We looked SO happy!
Have you ever looked at a photo of your beautiful family and wished you felt as happy as you appeared?

Family, friends, neighbors, and even strangers often admired our family and said how lucky we were. We looked like the picture-perfect family—five well-behaved and adorable children, a home in Hawaii, successful careers, and a life filled with world travel, cruises, Disney vacations, and yet beneath that glossy surface, we were miserably unhappy.

After 23 years of “unhappily ever after,” our marriage had culminated into an ongoing storm of one excruciating pain after another. We endured two long separations (trial divorces) where we lived in different countries for nearly a half of a year - no one would have thought we would have ever survived that! There were devastating betrayals, unfaithfulness, verbal abuse, an unexpected loss of a baby mid-pregnancy, a severe near death health challenge after hemorrhaging, financial collapse followed by bankruptcy, jealousy, competition, gambling, pornography, religious confusion and indescribable heartache. You name it, we experienced it. Divorce became the shadow looming over every heated out of control argument.

I never wanted divorce. To me, it was the ultimate failure, the “D-word” I couldn’t bear to speak aloud. Yet, I didn’t know how to fix the endless deep cracks in the foundation of our marriage.

I married young, naïve, and completely unaware of what respect truly meant. Our “bad old days” began on our wedding day, so we didn’t waste any time! My husband danced with his ex-girlfriend to my favorite love song at our wedding. I was humiliated, heartbroken, and furious. That moment, insignificant now, became the first crack in our foundation. But instead of vulnerably sharing how much it hurt me, I concluded he simply didn’t know how to make good decisions—and that it was up to me to teach him.

I became his mother, not his partner.

I thought I was helping him, but after learning the skills, I realized I criticized nearly everything he did unknowingly; his career choices, his friends, his hobbies, his faith, his food preferences, even his haircuts. I thought I was being a supportive, helpful wife, but in reality, I was controlling and disrespectful. I was SO shocked that anything was my fault! It’s humbling now to realize how much I didn’t know. I didn’t see the damage I was causing, nor did I realize how deeply it affected both of us. We stayed together for the sake of our children, our religious beliefs and finances. I truly believed there was no hope left for us. We had tried counseling for years, and endless books, reading the Bible, praying, and talking to friends and family only made matters worse. I thought I’d tried everything and then, by sheer accident, I found Laura.

I was searching for solutions to help my brother, who was on the brink of divorce, when I stumbled upon Laura’s books and I didn’t think any of it would apply to me, but as I read, it was like the missing pieces of my marriage puzzle fell into place.

It was humbling, empowering, and transformative.

I decided to try just one skill, “whatever you think.” When I first said it, my husband tilted his head, confused—but then, he smiled. A real smile. Encouraged, I kept trying it, and to my shock, he started looking happier.

Next, I tried duct tape. For someone with an opinion on everything, this was no small feat. I remember being at the hardware store, catching myself giving my opinion on what hacksaw he should buy—when I didn’t even know what a hacksaw was! It was eye-opening.

Slowly but surely, each skill worked like magic. “I hear you.” “I’m sorry for being disrespectful.” “Ouch.” With self-care and a smile campaign, I rediscovered the feminine, playful side of myself that had been lost. My husband responded in ways I hadn’t seen in years—he started initiating affection, fulfilling my desires, protecting me when I was vulnerable, and, most importantly, becoming my hero again.

Today, love, respect, admiration, and laughter fill our home. For the first time in 27 years, I feel truly beautiful from the inside out. And now, when I look at our family photos, I see a reflection of genuine happiness—not just a staged illusion.

Overall, in my early years of marriage, I believed that to be the ideal wife, I needed to embody perfection in every aspect—maintaining an impeccable appearance, achieving professional success, keeping a spotless home, excelling as a cook and cleaner, and being the quintessential mother. I thought that meeting these high standards, often portrayed in media, was the key to my husband’s happiness.

However, after immersing myself in Laura Doyle’s Six Intimacy Skills™, I discovered that my husband’s true desires were far more profound and heartfelt. Here’s what I learned he truly wanted:

1. Respect for His Thinking
I realized that my husband deeply valued my respect for his thoughts and decisions. Instead of trying to control or second-guess him, acknowledging his perspectives fostered mutual respect and understanding.

2. Expressions of Gratitude
Beyond grand gestures, my husband cherished simple acknowledgments of his efforts. Regularly expressing gratitude for both small and significant things he did strengthened our emotional bond.

3. Receptivity to His Efforts
Being open to receiving his love, support, and even compliments was vital. Embracing his gestures without deflection made him feel appreciated and valued.

4. Vulnerability and Authenticity
Sharing my true feelings and allowing myself to be vulnerable created a deeper emotional connection. This openness fostered trust and intimacy in our relationship.

5. Commitment to Self-Care
Prioritizing my well-being wasn’t selfish; it was essential. Engaging in activities that rejuvenated me allowed me to bring my best self to our marriage, positively impacting our dynamic.

6. Relinquishing Unnecessary Control
Letting go of the need to control every aspect of our lives and trusting my husband’s capabilities brought balance and harmony to our relationship. This shift allowed him to feel more empowered and respected.

Embracing these insights transformed our marriage. I learned that perfection wasn’t what my husband sought; instead, he desired a genuine, respectful, and loving partnership. This journey taught me that understanding and implementing the Six Intimacy Skills™ can lead to a more fulfilling and connected relationship.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that when you do what you love and love what you do, it never feels like work.

I would be honored to support you on this journey, stand beside you, and practice these skills with you as you transform your marriage and rediscover joy.